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Winner of the Kennedy Essay Prize 2002
Troubled Thoughts

I saw her in town this weekend. Felt so angry, so very angry. I have always been the one to suffer. Until now. Seeing her scuttle away hurriedly to escape my presence, followed by a frantic friend, wondering why an answer hadn’t been given to the questioning of her actions.

I too made a hurried exit, avoided her gaze, but not with the same emotion of embarrassed guilt. I was not ashamed, but an unbearable anger surrounded me, as though I was in a cocoon. I could not bear it. I could not bear to see the person who could cause so much pain and anguish, whose actions had devastated two whole years of someone’s life. Yet it was me who had been forced to move on, start a new life and I pitied the next victim that would be taken into the bully’s grasp with no one prepared to intervene.

The next victim too would suffer a similar fate as I. One action, one word of one person could change a life. Its product was me, an individual who had undergone a dramatic change but has now begun to achieve the confidence that had been shattered. An introverted person who had to build her soul again, never to return to the one she had had before. Someone reduced to a shell of angry feelings.

One knife threatened, thrown, missed, yet a clever individual, dominating over others could not be blamed. An innocent locker of books stood still. Its contents gorged out, strewn across the floor. Still no justice given to a fast fading victim with the suggestions only to make a small change of room or seat. A situation far from sorted.

Overhearing a lunch queue chat someone suddenly realises the extent of surrounding betrayal. Anger asserts itself in me and I shall never again stand in that queue. I conveyed this to a friend standing nearby who seems convinced I will never carry out this resolution. I, on the other hand knew that the slow burn of pain inside me yearned for escape from a place where so much hurt had been circulating.

The ‘award’ a poignant reminder of a struggling victim’s year achievement snatched away into the bully’s undeserving hands by the suggested change of class. Were they not aware of the implications of this action?

The tables have turned!
The victim is left to strive for new goals and make a mark in a new circle, able to escape from past devastation.

A bully becomes a victim herself. Suffering is the greatest bully of all. Guilt an inescapable demise. Seen for the first time since, a crumbling bully running from an ever more strengthening victim.

"Who will be the winner
who will be the loser?"
Snra Barber - Spanish teacher

I know that it is me, the victim who has won.

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Winner of the Kennedy Essay Prize 2002 Troubled Thoughts I saw her in town this weekend. Felt so angry, so very angry. I have always been the one to suffer. Until now. Seeing her scuttle away hurriedly to escape my presence, followed by a frantic friend, wondering why an answer hadn’t been given to the questioning of her actions. I too made a hurried exit, avoided her gaze, but not with the same emotion of embarrassed guilt. I was not ashamed, but an unbearable anger surrounded me, as though I was in a cocoon. I could not bear it. I could not bear to see the person who could cause so much pain and anguish, whose actions had devastated two whole years of someone’s life. Yet it was me who had been forced to move on, start a new life and I pitied the next victim that would be taken into the bully’s grasp with no one prepared to intervene. The next victim too would suffer a similar fate as I. One action, one word of one person could change a life. Its product was me, an individual who had undergone a dramatic change but has now begun to achieve the confidence that had been shattered. An introverted person who had to build her soul again, never to return to the one she had had before. Someone reduced to a shell of angry feelings. One knife threatened, thrown, missed, yet a clever individual, dominating over others could not be blamed. An innocent locker of books stood still. Its contents gorged out, strewn across the floor. Still no justice given to a fast fading victim with the suggestions only to make a small change of room or seat. A situation far from sorted. Overhearing a lunch queue chat someone suddenly realises the extent of surrounding betrayal. Anger asserts itself in me and I shall never again stand in that queue. I conveyed this to a friend standing nearby who seems convinced I will never carry out this resolution. I, on the other hand knew that the slow burn of pain inside me yearned for escape from a place where so much hurt had been circulating. The ‘award’ a poignant reminder of a struggling victim’s year achievement snatched away into the bully’s undeserving hands by the suggested change of class. Were they not aware of the implications of this action? The tables have turned! The victim is left to strive for new goals and make a mark in a new circle, able to escape from past devastation. A bully becomes a victim herself. Suffering is the greatest bully of all. Guilt an inescapable demise. Seen for the first time since, a crumbling bully running from an ever more strengthening victim. "Who will be the winner who will be the loser?" Snra Barber - Spanish teacher I know that it is me, the victim who has won.